she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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