he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just found puke in my bra..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My liver just had a heart attack.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
