Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
