there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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