Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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