Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
