I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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