I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What did we do last night that was yellow?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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