Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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