Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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