I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I love you. Go after that dick
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize