Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
