So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
