This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
