I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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