i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
