just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
