Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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