I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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