I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that đ I went with "no"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying âFUCK YOUâ to all my spam emails. Canât tell you how excited I am
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