Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
