All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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