Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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