Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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