Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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