Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
