the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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