We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There are leaves in my underwear?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
