WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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