I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
