my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
