If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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