what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
