p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
