I heard we made out
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
