guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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