She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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