loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
