We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
