i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
whose parrot is this?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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