Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
His nipple licking is glorious
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