he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
operation harelip BJ is a go
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
