This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
