First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
