I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
