I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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