I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
