Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize