If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
