You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
