Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
