She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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