This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
