Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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