I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
