i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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