so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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