Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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