I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
