My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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