3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
