Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
