I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
