it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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