You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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