It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
