3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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