it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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